i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
