it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
