this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
