so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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