Plan B is the new Plan A
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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