I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
