i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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