I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
The beer is more important than you right now.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
