I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
