When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
