Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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