hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
