Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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