My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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