dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
