I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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