Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
