Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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