man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
