im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
