Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize