Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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