Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
