this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He is an equal opportunity slut.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize