hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
