fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
