What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
