you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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