I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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