His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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