My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
