if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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