I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
