hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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