There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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