Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
