you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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