My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
