The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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