The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize