haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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