I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
