"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
