Who wears a wallet chain?!
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
