Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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