I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
should my penis look like a turkey
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
