I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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