Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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