Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Randomize