Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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