apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
