As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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