i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
