This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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