three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
