OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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