like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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