Where did you get a picture of my penis
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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