Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
