can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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