Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
