Me too!
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
