I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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