There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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