all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
