I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
