wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize