i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
