our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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