Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
