I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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