Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize