you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
