dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
