I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
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