So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
