Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I puked a lego.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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