i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i will never coherently bang her
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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