I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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