i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
as a side note pls kill me
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
