I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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