you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
