at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
