Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
