He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
