sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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