i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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