im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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