i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
