Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i will never coherently bang her
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
