bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
