were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
