his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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