Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
