her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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