I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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