five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize