i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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