you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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