I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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