pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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