Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
