The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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