Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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